A Gilmore Girls Conspiracy

hold on to your chapeaus people because we’ve got to discuss something VERY pressing to the community of Stars Hollow.

brace yourself, this will ultimately change many aspects of life in the small Connecticut town.

Sasha and Lily become Anna and April in order to swindle Luke into paying for shit.

IF you aren’t a big enough fan, let me help you out a bit. First of all wtf because Gilmore Girls is one of the most important dramedies of the 2000s. Second of all, Sasha & Lily are Jess’s dad’s girlfriend and girlfriend’s daughter in Venice, CA.

did i just come to this conclusion because they recycle Sherilyn Fern as Sasha and then a few seasons later as Anna Nardini?

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possibly.

HOWEVER– I’ve got some convincing evidence to back up this claim.

Shasha gets the idea from listening to Jess’s short but important sob story. She hears of Luke the hermit, a diner owner who lives alone and scarcely travels or spends money on anything extravagant. She’s looking at her life in Venice and thinking holi shit, this is not sustainable, Jimmy is a shithead and its a matter of time before he splits from my life as well. She craves the cash from someone dependable and safe, and Luke is basically the pinnacle of safety and dependability. She also wants to retain her freedom, which Luke’s love of Lorelei would allow.

so she moves, dyes her hair, and opens that weird lil shop. (A total Sasha move, if you ask me.)

and as for Lily, the bookworm with a penchant for strange places to devour literature, it only makes sense that she would grow up to be equally strange yet academically voracious.

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and who, pray tell, fits this description of a strange yet academically voracious teenager just two seasons later…..That’s right, April Nardini with her lame-o helmet and eyebrows so dark (and large) she’ll never need to draw them in (see below).

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now of course, i need to address the fact that Gilmore Girls is notorious for reusing actors. My favorite instance of this was the actress who played Trix, Lorelei’s grandmother, attending Trix’s funeral as cousin Marilyn (with sticky hands for the crystal bar glasses with gold leafing.)

the question is: why? what’s the point?

my theory–its never addressed because no one questioned any of it.

also theory within the theory? Anna and April became Sasha and Lily  so she could raise her in peace, maybe there was shit she was running from.

for a brief moment, let’s entertain the theory that there is no conspiracy, and Sasha and Lily are simply another strong mother-daughter duo on the west coast. Why is every daughter character a genius bookworm with lagging social skills?? (Rory was the lucky one but Lorelei has more than enough character for both of them)

the only dumb little girl ever featured in the show was Dean’s little sister. She wasn’t dumb I guess, but she was never portrayed as anything other than your average American child.

so in conclusion, i am right. Amy Sherman-Palladino really thought we wouldn’t find this out, huh?

anyway–I just needed to share. Let me know your thoughts if you have any, ok?

 

 

-chasertheprince

“Plastic”–Stream my L8ezt single

My newest single, “Plastic” takes a look @ our dependence on one of the most versatile and important inventions of all time–plastic. It’s just too fuqqin good, you know?

Dial this hit up on any of these streaming platforms (& many others) and reconsider some of that single-use planet-murdering plastic that we just can’t seem to live without.

Enjoy!

 

 

-chasertheprince

PLASTIC!

Plastic is………..unfortunately, one of the most effective inventions….ever.

it keeps its shape, its durable af and it lasts {litter}ally thousands of years (see what i did there).

Here are some unfortunate facts about one of the greatest inventions ever: courtesy of OceanConservancy.org

  1. Use of plastics has surpassed all other man-made materials except steel and cement.
  2. Global production of plastic increased from 2 million tons in 1950 to 380 million tons by 2015, a growth rate 2.5 greater than that of the global economy. Half of that amount was produced in just the last 13 years–IN THE LAST 13 YEARS YOU GUYS.
  3. If this global trend in production continues, humans will have produced 34 billion tons of plastic by 2050, four times more than we have made to date. Close to half—46% of that (a whopping 12 billion tons)—is expected to be discarded in landfills or the natural environment.
  4. As a material, plastic is long lasting as shit, durable as shit, and doesn’t degrade worth shit. This is one of the reasons it’s so useful when it comes to human health and food safety–especially in the developing world. But this also means that plastics accumulate in the natural environment and landfills, leading to what some guy named Geyer and his coauthors call a growing concern of a “near-permanent contamination of the natural environment.
  5. Six different types of plastic (polyethylene (PE), polypropylene (PP), polystyrene (PS), polyvinylchloride (PVC), polyethylene terephthalates (PET), and polyurethane (PUR) account for 92% of all the plastics ever made and 42% of that has been used for packaging, generally with a lifespan of less than 1 year before being discarded.
  6. There are only 4 ways to handle plastic at the end of its life: recycled, destroyed or converted to fuel or energy through incineration or pyrolysis, disposed of in managed waste systems OR discarded where it ends up in the natural environment. :/
  7. The highest recycling rates are in Europe (30%) and China (25%) whereas the United States has had a relatively dismal rate of 9% since 2012. ***cue Miley’s banger, “WAKE UP AMERICA” ********
  8. A whopping 79% of all the plastics ever produced have now been discarded. Only 21% of plastics are still in active use.

You guys, if those numbers don’t mean anything to you,

 

So let’s start today because we can’t rewind the clock and work a lil harder to save this fuqqin planet.

Here’s how:

  1. Stream my new single “Plastic” as soon as it drops @ 12:01 am EARTH DAY
  2. recycle
  3. CUT DOWN ON THE SINGLE USE PLASTIC! Bring reusable shopping bags to the store, buy fruit whole and cut it up yourself (no need for those plastic containers), bring your own cup to Starbucks, and PICK UP and properly discard random pieces of trash when you’re out and about!
  4. Keep streaming my new single, “Plastic” out everywhere April 22. Hell, buy the damn thing on iTunes.

 

-chasertheprince